9.23.2010

Hope.

The Provo Temple. It was super bright that day, all the more reason to be there. Beautiful.

Today I've got an interview to go to! This is very exciting for me. I made a promise that I would spend most of Sept. looking for jobs on my own (and trying to use my degree) and then start the last week looking for jobs like APX and other call center-like connections.

But let me tell you, it has not been easy in the least. I'm super grateful for the money we made this summer and the money Ry continues to make as he works at school, but it really can be a bummer to not make money. It really hit me last night and I'm not proud to say that almost purely the fact that I don't have a job made me feel so worthless and I totally broke down. A lack of making money definitely should not be a reason to feel un-valued, but I totally let society influence and break me down. Ryan was such a gem about it, even when he had homework and LSAT studying to do, he came and hung out with me while I pouted it out.

My personal lesson was not to worry about what others say you should or shouldn't be doing. I know that I've been working hard to find a job and I know that I've been fairly productive in my days, especially recently, getting up with Ryan and getting ready for the day earlier and getting stuff done whether it's around the house or around town. I also know that the pressure I was feeling last night can come again as Ry and I figure out what our family plans will be once he gets accepted to law schools, when we figure out which school to go to, when we start our family, when we buy our first home…but my goal is to be stronger each time and remember who's really in charge (not the world, not us) and what really matters.

Well, I'm off to conquer the day. Wish me luck and HAPPY THURSDAY!

1 comment:

  1. Emily, I understand too well what you mean. Trust me, I've had a breakdown or two also. We're still working on finding Trent a steady job. Thankfully I have a job at the mall and am bringing in some money. It's also so nerve-wracking waiting for Trent to hear back from PA school. I love your thought on remembering who's really in charge. I need to keep that in perspective. Best of luck!

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